And her stomach sank with dread...

Tonight I'm going to the first real party since the incident at S's 18th birthday. There's going to be people, no doubt. And alcohol. Uhm... can't it just be fake alcohol, and we'll laugh at all the people who act wasted regardless?

Look at this, look at what I've become -- this is a disgrace. Damn you, social expectations. I've just got to keep calm and ease into it. Talk to people, meet some new ones. This could be a good thing: moderation is the key word -- no shots, no mixed drinks. The party starts at 9.30 pm, which is late, so I'm going to go to a friend's house for dinner and we'll start out with a couple of drinks to set the right mood. It'll be fun. I'm looking forward to it with this churning sensation of apprehension in my gut. For Pete's sake, I can do this!