I got distracted

Things that I have found myself preoccupied with this Monday:

• Yoghurt for breakfast is yummy.
• The emergency staircase in my building is excellent for emergency exercise.
• It's almost admirable how many times I have managed to pee today.
• Tumblr doesn't want me.
• It is impressive how Jamie Bell manages to keep a straight face when faced with a male interviewer wearing a pink Victoria's Secret bra. (clicketh!)
• I need to channel my focus towards school now.
• People need to learn to pick their battles.
• My face isn't half-bad.
• I could totally get to sleep earlier if I didn't decide to blog before bed.

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I don't care what you wear

Anticipation

I'm getting nervous. Anxious, really. About next Wednesday. 

1st of February. 

Where weighing will occur. I was hoping it would take longer, but I guess not. It's already on my mind. What I'm worried about is whether I will have gained a lot or lost a little. It will be one of those two. I don't know what I'll do if it's more than 53 kilos. Honestly. What is wrong with me? It's been in the back of my head all January, and a close friend of mine told me to take a test. You know, one of those "professional" ones on the interwebs. I guess I could try to search for a decent one, since I really don't want to go see my doctor about that.


But I also can't help but look suspiciously at the screen in those situations and think in a James Dean voice: "Who are you to judge me?"

Behold, my latest obsession:

This dashing young man is Jamie Bell.

And he's under 40 years old. Le gasp, I know right?! Remarkable. Just finished watching the Eagle. Loved him it. Retreat is next. Not ashamed.

All the fucks I do not give...

They are plenty. It is now Monday. I have spent most of my Sunday on my knees, leaning over a male doll with ridiculously toned abs (though with surprisingly realistic response to blowing into the mouth), ripping open and zipping up his undersized jacket repeatedly, and performing CPR. My silver bracelet got in the way and I bruised the inside of my wrist badly. Our instructor was delighted of  course, because that meant he got to demonstrate on me how to bandage a wrist properly. Ugh.

Speaking of injuries, I discovered this dark, round bruise on top of my foot while I was in the shower. Like right above my toes. Could it be my boot-pumps from last Friday when I went to that party at school? I suspect so. And that reminds me I gotta update my keeping tabs. 

Writing is not coming along as easily as reading right now. I'll be done with Kafka soon. Also, I just watched Seven Pounds tonight. And I'm not sure I liked the ending. We're going to watch a film in philosophy class today, our new subject is democracy, so I'm kind of excited to know what kind of film it is. There weren't enough people for philosophy class to make into 3.G, so I'm going to take P.E. instead. Can't hurt me, right? At least I'll be exercising more.

I got up at 7 am this morning. This does not qualify as a weekend.

I have ribs again!

I'm not a driver

I'm taking a course this weekend. It's like a taste of how getting your driver's license will be like. From 9 AM to 4 PM. It feels just like school, honestly. Except I GOT TO DRIVE A FUCKING CAR. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine my fear, my terror, my mortification? The minute I sat in front of the wheel surely I was doomed -- not to mention the three other kids I was grouped with, also present in the car. Oh my god.

To be fair though, I thought I did pretty well at first. A bit of speed and slalom between cones I managed just fine, although I ready to fucking piss myself the whole time. As soon as the boy's got the gist of it, bless their bleeding hearts, they wanted to drive fast. And I nearly died of fright, I swear to Pete I was so close to having a panic attack when we spun around. After that I got out and waited it out. Then the super-tan man with the super-grey hair told me I was about to learn how to drive the car in reverse. Oh my fucking god, are you kidding me?! That did not go well.

Despite all the horrors I was exposed to today, I made it out alive.

Tomorrow we're getting first aid training, which I reckon is going to be much more enjoyable for me. Just tell me something I don't already know about my body, darling.

Cock-up, universe!

My bicycle wheel has punctured, and now I can't get to the gym in time to make it back for my writing classes at school. This has completely fucked with my schedule for today, and I'm angry!
Angry, I tell you!
My birds keep making screeching noise and fly about restlessly, I suspect they know. I'm listening to Efterklang and it's not really helping my mood, but Goo Goo Dolls will make up for that in a second I'm sure.
My insides hurt, being female is a bitch, and fuckfuckfuckfuck it hurts!
It makes me want to strangle people, and
maybe I'm just a tiny bit pent-up inside, yeah? So what.

Er, no use bitching about losing touch.
Better to just bury stuff alive and move on.

I'm changing stuff again.

What's changed?

I keep asking myself that question. All the time.

• What's changed in my diet?
• What's changed in my body?
• What's changed in my mind?
• What's changed about lovers?
• What's changed about family?
• What's changed about friends?

What is it?!

I seriously, seriously, need sleep.
Four hour naps in the afternoon just won't cut it in the long run.  
But I have to write!

Words

Sometimes there are words who make me curious, uncomfortable, nervous, or otherwise, and I'm not sure why. Today it is the Danish adjective "blakket", which translates to "shady", "faded" and "woolly". I think it's the context I draw when I see it. I'm thinking of a story by a certain author who may or may not keep otherworldly, horrifying creatures in his basement. It's been so long, but I hardly remember anything else quite as clearly.

Also, I've ordered a book called Alternative Realities: Paranormal, the Mystic and the Transcendent in Human Experience and I am so psyched to read it. After I finish Metamorphosis & Other Stories, Twilight Eyes, and Gideon's Corpse. Sigh, so many books, so little time.

I have made my writing a priority, and I think it's starting to take it's toll on school. Well, just in Danish class, really. I didn't write that feature thing, I couldn't, just. It wouldn't work. Somehow I don't think my teacher will understand how it is I'm struggling.

Last Friday was the 13th. Oh yeah. I don't know what people get so worked up about, Friday 13ths are usually pretty giving on my part. For instance, I got to see Sherlock Holmes and eat delicious food. I learned how to pay for stuff with a card -- not too sure yet whether that's a good thing or not. I prefer having cash to be quite honest.

As of now...

You are 17 years old.
You are 211 months old.
You are 917 weeks old.
You are 6,422 days old.
You are 154,147 hours old.
You are 9,248,827 minutes old.
You are 554,929,646 seconds old.

Try it for the lulz.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

Tonight

I'm watching the Machinist.

White wine buzz = win

Though it does incapacitate you somewhat, I must admit. I have withdrawn from my mom's 50th birthday. So tired already, but it's kewl.

That was the weirdest thing ever!!

Uhm, I just went and clicked the label 'music' for no apparent reason, and all the posts with my previous songs turned up, and they all started playing at once! That was fucking weird.

Er, I have a problem...

Frou Frou - Let Go

Woah

I think maybe I actually passed out on the bed a few hours ago. Maybe three. I know, I am a paragon of badly timed naps if ever there was any. But seriously, try falling asleep right after dinner and then wake up just a couple of hours later -- I feel like I've slept for a week. Holidays must've really screwed with my sleeping cycle.

Had F over for a bit of cosy chatting after school. I ended up lending her a book, and watching Fright Night with her, and it was all very enjoyable. Colin Farrell kills it as Jerry the Vampire. And I have a newfound love for both him and David Tennant. Badasses, the lot of them. We have this reunion sleepover coming up next week (no, not Colin, David and I -rolls eyes-), and protocol is stashing up on horror movies and bringing the best you've got. And God, I really need to get me some more horror movies.

Yea, he's pretty sweet.

F told me I looked really pretty today in school, which was odd, because I went through the whole day obsessing in my mind about how much I wanted a bath and how gross my hair must look. Kind of gives me that boost of self-esteem. Nice.

And and and, Lethal Masterpiece is coming about nicely, I expect to be finished around the end of January. Now we all know me and these tricky deadlines but just bear with me, please. 

Oh God she knows

B-A knows, oh, Jesus H. Flippin' Christ. She knows and she understands, and she's better, and she doesn't care. I love her so much, I can't even... just. Wow.

This is me right now.