Bitch please!

Old class reunion this afternoon after school. So excited. I'm cutting every portion in half except breakfast to make room. See, our old class teacher was also our home economics (hjemmekunstskab, mine kære, tænk sig),  and the reunion is going to be all about cooking stuff and having a good time at our old school. I'm really looking forward to it, and I'm sure I can hold back, but if I don't I will need a plan b. Make room beforehand. Precautions. Preventions. That's how it has to be. And that's why I'm on a tight schedule.

• 2.15 pm.: I get off school.
• 2.35-3.15 pm.: In the gym.
• 3.40 pm.: Take a shower.
• 4 pm.: Out the door.
• 4.15 pm.: Arrive at reunion.

So I will be... approximately one hour late. Invitation said to come when possible though. Starts at 15 pm. It'll be fine.

I got an A for my essay on stress and procrastination. Look at that: 'Always a pleasure'. Boasting, boasting, I'm horrible, but it's a boost. People keep asking me stuff about the future -- which days am I available? baaah! Stop distracting me please! Gym Monday and Wednesday (Friday or Saturday), writer's club the next five Tuesdays, and then homewooork guys! It's gotta be done. But I'm dealing with it, we'll stay organised and everything will be just dandy. And when it's all over, I'll write. I'll take photos. I'll be free to do whatever the hell I please and nobody's going to tell me otherwise.

Oh, wait, I'll have to find time for a part-time job somewhere in there....

Introducing a brand new label: stress.

I want to wake up here

Imogen Heap - Headlock

Day 84

A picture of your favourite shorts.

I know what it is

Alright, I finally know what's been bothering me these past few weeks. You know that nagging feeling when something's annoying you but you can't seem to figure out what it is? I thought it was my weight gain after fall break, but it' snot! (see what I did there?). It's just that... I want the scale to read 48 kg, and it's just being stubbornly insistent on 49.4. 400 g. That's how much is between me and that. And it's just annoying. I'm cool, I'm not obsessing over it, I just think it's a downer. 48 kg just seems even more ideal because I  c a n n o t  f u c k i n g  g e t  t h e r e. But it's the perfect balance between 50 kg and being underweight -- don't want that.

What else is new:

• I received my school photos in the mail this morning... not as bad as I expected. Pleased. Not bad. Well done.
• I'm gonna get Kafka on the Shore this Monday, eeek. :D So excited to read it.
• I'm making tiramisu this afternoon because we're having guests over tomorrow. I'll be sure to post a picture of it here when it's done.
• The Thing About Love is practically writing itself again. I'll be publishing the next chapter tonight if all goes well.

A Little Fable

"Alas," said the mouse, "the whole world is growing smaller every day. At the beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad when I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner stands the trap that I must run into."

     "You only need to change your direction," said the cat, and ate it up. 

- Franz Kafka

Worried

I think A might be suffering from stress or something. The simplest of tasks just seem to be an overload to him, he forgets things, he seems tired all the time. Maybe I'm just being over-sensitive. But something is definitely wrong. He just seems depressed. I want to ask him so badly, but he's just so hard to get through to. I had a chance to do it today, but I blew it, and I'm so angry at myself still.

I recall sending him a text message one night about two years ago or so, and I asked him if he thought we could tell each other everything. I was also worrying about him at that time. He replied something like: "Yeah, we can, but we don't". I thought about asking him why that was, but it was late and I didn't want to initiate a deeper conversation. NO, actually, on second thought, I think I did ask him. In any case, I don't remember his reply if I did. (y)

I know he's talking to a professional about his problems -- or at least I know he's been seeing one, so it's not like he doesn't have the opportunity to vent. And I understand that if you've already spent an hour sitting around talking about your thoughts, it's hard to appreciate when other's try to get in your head too. I just wish he'd vent on me too, y'know. Just use me a little bit, that's what friends are for after all. But all he ever seems to talk about is going to parties, and getting shitfaced, and I'm not even sure he realises how often he does it. He wanted me to come to R's 18th birthday party this Saturday, but I'd already told her I couldn't.

I still don't feel comfortable drinking alcohol. Soda just contains way too much sugar, but the other day I was so high on the smell of coke, it's beyond comprehension. You ever tried just closing your eyes and smelling Coca Cola? It's like a syringe of adrenaline straight to the heart, especially if you get a whiff of that effervescence too. Always tickled my nose but oh, my...

Safetysuit - What If

Support

I support the Scar Project.

Day 80

A picture of your favourite film when you were little.

I can't remember exactly, but these were definitely stuffed into the VCR a few times a week.

It's not enough

If I want this, I have to take matters into my own hands. Starting by eating oatmeal (NOM) over Crüsli (chocolate stuff that mum got from her sister, whose boys didn't like it, I wish it would die!) for breakfast, and grapes over a sandwich for lunch. If all fails I will bring a water bottle for backup. Went to the gym today, two more trips to go this week, I guess. More and I'll just end up with more muscle than I bargained for and nobody wants that. I just. I just gotta get back down under. That's where I'm comfortable. I had a catch-up chat with F today, and she asked about me, and I basically told her how I'd let myself go last week and she seemed pleased. Yes, huzzah! Nevermind.

My teacher asked me if I wanted to join a writer's club at the school, a course of five times in total, which will end with a literary work made public. Sounds rather ambitious, right? A favourite of mine among Danish authors, Mette Thompson, will come and discuss stuff with us. It all sounds pretty good, setting aside the fact that I haven't done any creative writing in my native tongue for years... Makes me rather anxious. I don't know what to say to her.

Day 78

A picture of your sunglasses.

Day 77

A picture of the thing(s) you bought last.

That's how I spend my vacation-money...

Jack Savoretti - Without

Day 76

A picture of something that annoys you.

Both ruined my morning.

Wow, I'm a rainbow of emotions here.

Get back in the game

So as you can see, there are not so many red numbers as I would've liked this sunny Saturday morning, and the ones that are red are bigger than before. I blame this on my vacation, since we haven't been eating healthily AT ALL, but that's okay -- it's what you do, right? Let loose. Now I just need to "tighten up" again. I'll go to the gym tomorrow, get a fresh start before the ratrace starts again.

But mum bought SO MUCH soda in Germany, and I just know at some point she's gonna get tired of me drinking water and just put the damn things in front of me. I. Don't. Want. To. I haven't had soda in nearly two months, and I'm doing just fine thank-you-very-much! Same with alcohol, I don't need it!

(I certainly don't need the calories...)

I just got a 10 for my Spanish paper. Yess. Me gusta.

New chapter

Clicketh!

Yada yada..

So, while I'm leeching off other people's internet access in Odense, I figure I might as well blog about my vacation. I'm a little high on Merci chocolate, you can try and guess how long it's been. It was nice at the summerhouse, just me, mum and my sister. We had a rough start since me and my sister were both pretty "meh" about the whole thing, and mum got fed up with the three of us sitting in separate rooms all the time. So we owned up to it, and everything's just peachy. Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight though.

I've been writing, shit! I'm a procrastinator/perfectionist -- if there ever existed such a mix, I'm the embodiment. It's a tough state of mind to be in when you want to be consistent in your publication, let me tell you... but, but, but, I'll have some material out for readers shortly! Also, I'm thinking of putting my story called 'Mindmark' out on the interwebs again. I've been working a lot on it, enough material for at least two more chapters... Ehehehehe.

Also... I'll just start the 100 pictures thing tomorrow morning where I left off, since I haven't had any internet access this week. I need to stop doing whatever this is I'm doing where I can't get stuff done that I want to get done. You know?

I'll be back

Garbage - The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

Happy birthday Alice...

A happy you is a happy me. Be safe in the future.

Silent visitor

Did you know that if you go to your security settings on your Facebook account, assuming you have one of course, the very last point of notice is your 'active sessions'? I didn't. But now I know that my account has been active in Aarhus a couple of times as late as September 29th.

Well, I don't know what else to think really. When people hack each other's Facebooks, the majority of these people choose to post embarrassing and/or provocative status updates, tamper with their information and change their profile picture in an attempt to ridicule the owner of that account. While harmless for the most part, the absence of the above concerns me. Who are you, mysterious hacker? You're highly unorthodox not to mess with my account while you're at it. Unless you already have, in some unseen way. Maybe you've had access to something else as well, perhaps something a little more interesting than my Facebook account?

Maybe I'm being paranoid?

In any case, I have taken steps to prevent further visits. I'm attempting to sound calm and collected, but inside I'm running around in circles, pulling my hair out, and screaming "L E A V E  M E  A L O N E".

I wanna feel weightless

Still buzzed

All these pictures are things that I need to take pictures of myself, and I'm just never home these days so... sorry I've been neglecting the 100 pictures thingy.

Didn't really eat yesterday in anticipation of the tapas-night-out. Started out by drinking two glasses of champagne, which was probably not the brightest of ideas considering my grandmother was there... I believe I behaved myself, my head just got a little bit whoozy. But that buzz just won't go away. I had a glass of white whine along with the dessert, but that was it. 3 items. More than I've had in 2 months.

I haven't had a soda in nearly 3 weeks. And now... going steadily at 49 kg. All is great.

Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday

So Monday was long. I thought it would be a nightmare, but it was actually pretty good. I felt energised. I felt like I did something productive with my time. Me and A wrote a speech together for class, as did everyone else. We really struggled with it Sunday, but we eventually pulled through -- basically we attacked the credibility of the law that bans 13 breeds of dogs in DK. Seriously, we tore that law apart. And, as far as I could tell, we were among the only ones with the highest grade of 10 (B). I sound like a total nerd, but it feels good dammit!

I've got loads of cancelled classes, so all I have for the day is PE at 12:30 pm. At the city stadium no less. I may go to the gym before then, if the weather isn't too harsh to bike in. I kind of like getting up early in the mornings now, when it's still kinda dark? Not sure why. Gym would do me good. PE afterwards wouldn't be so bad either. No, I'll definitely have to do both if I can.

Oh, oh, oh! I'm going out for dinner with my dad too! Super excited and looking forward to eating tapas -- nom! And guess what... tomorrow (Wednesday) I have the whole day off. Gonna spend the first part of it being a total geek playing D&D. I haven't done that in ages, so we'll see how that goes. Then in the evening I'll be hosting the weekly Desperate Housewives/Dagens Mand gathering with the girls.

Myaaa I feel good.

Trading Yesterday - Shattered

I'm getting braces

Just got back from the dentist's office, and we're finally getting somewhere. I'm getting clear braces and I'm super excited. At the beginning of November they're going to take some pictures of my teeth, ship them over to the U.S. Fucking Aye! Then they'll send back a pair of see-through braces that I can actually take off for when I'm brushing my teeth and eating. Sounds great, right? I know what you're thinking, and YES, it is insanely expensive treatment. The introduction to the treatment is 2500 kr., and getting the braces made is 30.000 kr.

Is she mental, you ask.

And to this I reply, yes, I might be. What's it to you?

I'm not getting a driver's license anyway, which also happens to be insanely expensive nowadays. I'm gonna be wearing these teeth forevaaarrr. Me driving a car might just get me and others killed prematurely. Plus, I don't want people to remember me as, "that redhead with a slamming body, but messed up teeth".

R brought chocolate cake to class. I had one piece. And I ate a müsli bar that I brought with me. Then when I got home from the gym, I had a small apple. That's 500 calories. But heeey, guess what, I killed those with the amount of exercise I did today. That leaves me at just under 400 calories with dinner. WINNING.

I think...

Robert Pattinson is my guilty pleasure.

Day 67

A picture of something green.

Crazy day

So lots of things have happened today, some more crazy than others. I should start chronologically I suppose.

Morning:

• I woke up in sweats, with my stomach cramping up.
• I couldn't stop obsessing over pearls.

Noon:

• A touched my hair (it was odd!).

Afternoon:

• Got a B+ for a paper I wrote, I'd assumed it would get me a D or maybe a C.
• Got a glimpse of my reflection, and could've sworn my hair was falling out.

Evening:

• I had a serious talk with an intersexual person (at least I suspect they were), about how the term "hermaphrodite" is considered offensive by intersexuals in modern time -- I believe I learned something important.
• I was lying on the couch, eating an apple, watching Death Race with my mum. I glanced down at my apple, and for a fraction of second, I swear I saw this thick, black worm there.
• I'm getting my school photos retaken. This lady is an amateur.

Kutless - What Faith Can Do

This is neat, innit? As I post, the music piece will gradually move down, and eventually go on an older page, thus making it far more convenient for everyone as I imagine people get tired of listening to the same song every time they visit. I know I do.

I MISS PARIS

I miss waking up to the sound of the busy streets, and the yells of the vendor men rousing the rest of the Latin Quarter awake. I miss the smell of rose scented soap in our hotel room, and the laced curtains tickling my naked feet as I stand by the window. I miss climbing down the spiral staircase two swift steps at a time, and catching the buttery whiff of my morning croissant waiting for me in the breakfast parlour. I miss tearing off one piece at a time, and savouring each bite for several seconds before indulging in a new one. I miss waving goodbye to the smiling lobbyist before venturing out into the streets of Paris, and telling everybody else to hurry, hurry, hurry! I miss walking on the warm cobblestones, and admiring the flower-clad terraces. I miss the vendors -- the nutella pancakes, melting on my tongue -- the homey cafés, the fancy restaurants, the grand museums and magnificent churches. Miss the musicians, the painters, the mimes, and all the beautiful Parisians in their customary black outfits. I miss looking over the Seine, and watching as the city succumbs to the night. I miss walking home with my heels dangling in one hand, and humming along with the music in the clubs. I miss looking up at the stars, wondering if I'll ever see them the same way looking up from some place else. I miss lying in my bed by my lonesome, and thinking of ways that tomorrow could possibly match this day.

You better realise

Day 64

A picture of your favourite Disney film.

Animated:

Feature:

Day 63

A picture of your favourite necklace.

It was a present

I got happy

I woke up way earlier than I wanted to. Around 9 am I was wide awake, and I feel like I disgraced myself or something. I'm mostly kidding. Ah, skipped breakfast. I know. But I'm also 49 kilos again. Shameless.

The weather's been fucking amazing today, and I got on my bike and rode to the Red Cross shop to have a look at their opening hours. I've been driving past that place so many times now, thinking that the stuff in their windows look rather pretty. So why not try it out? I figure my money will be better spend there than Føtex, where the clothes are probably around the same price. They were closed when I got there, unfortunately, but now I know for future reference. 

 Awesome.

Then I rode to the mall to have a look inside Matas searching for rose water. I've been wanting to make profiteroles for a little while now. You don't need the rose water for it to work out satisfactorily, but it's a French dessert, and I want to do it right if I can. They didn't have it, so I'm guessing I have to go into the city and sniff out Specialkøbmanden (Danish grocery chain). Oh, wait, I just found the website! There's one practically right next door. I have no idea how much that stuff costs, but we'll see. Awesome!

And I talked to F for a while, since she's working at the bakery in the mall. She told me I looked great mid-conversation. Just out of the blue. She kind of made my day with that comment...

The library was closed by the time I got home, sadly, but I'll just go get Kafka on the Shore some other time. I'm looking forward to reading it.

New look (...)

Just bored, really. I'll change it when I grow tired of purple planks.