Oh God

I can't lie on my stomach on a hard surface. It's painful. My hips, ribs, and elbows are hurting. But if I sit up my ass will just hurt more! Solution: chair/pillow.

I feel strange

Do I seem annoying to other people? Maybe I am. But what if it's something else? Am I boring? Too self-centered? Too careless? Maybe they think I hang around the same people too much... I feel strangely cut off from the other girls. What choice do I have but to seek out the ones I feel like me? Who pay attention to what I say, who don't ignore me when I greet them, and don't scatter of in every direction when I approach them. I know I can be awkward, and I don't always know what to say. But I never felt this insecure. This year's going to be weird if this continues on. 

 

I'm really trying to engage in whatever's going on, but I end up feeling like I'm alone. The whole thing is so, so strange to me. Is it wrong to want others to like you? Some will say "well, if you have to change for it to be so, those are not the kind of people you want to like you". I get that. Doesn't help my situation though. I'll just have to stay floating.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

- Keane

Day 31

A picture of a tradition you keep.

Every time I go, I wind up right here.
Where my mother before me got her picture taken.

Day 30

A picture of someone you miss

Heath Ledger

The things I do for ice cream...

I just found Ben & Jerry's danish website and wrote down all of their variants, kcals included of course. I'm going to fold that piece of paper and stuff it in my wallet. I feel silly. But safe.

Oh! I also went to my dentist yesterday and got some prints off my teeth so the guy can determine whether or not he'll give me braces, or send me off to the orthodontics' office.

Day 28

A picture that shows the season you're in.

Quit zeh binging, yes?

So I'm just going to cut the crap for this one. A few days ago I stepped on the scale and it read 50,1 kg. I haven't seen that number for half a year. And I thought: stay calm.

I panicked.

Then I thought: just go easy on the food.

I snacked like there was no mañana. Had to pinch myself a couple of times there.

And finally: just drink your tea, and it'll be okay.

I have been drinking tea and water for two days, minus dinner and a few fries. When things go bad, you only eat to prove you eat. And last night I was down to 48,5 kg. Still not quite there, but I definitely feel relieved. It's so retarded how things have changed. 1 ½ years ago I'd feel horrible if I was above 52 kg. Now two kilos less makes me anxious. Goals have changed some, haven't they? I'll just have to try not to eat so much junk. Starting... now! (I had cookies this morning, since M brought them to class -- it's her birthday).

Also, mom and I have started going to the fitness centre. In fact we're going today. It's a wonderful way to spend an hour -- we're both drained by then. So I'm a slacker bitch, so what... I talked with a private coach, who's going to make me a training program based on my needs. That's pretty cool. Maybe my knees will finally get better then. And my back. And maybe I'll get rid of my floppy upper arms, and get a decent gap between my thighs. It's uneven, and it's stupid.

Day 25

A picture of your day.

Day 24

A picture of the person you would love to trade lives with for a day.

Vanessa Paradis. She's gotta be the luckiest gal in the world.

Day 23

A picture of your favourite book.

Day 21

A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Speaking up.

Day 21

A picture of something you wish you could forget.

The Grudge 1, 2, 3. I can't stand it.

She F R U S T R A T E S me

I'm a natural at beating around the bush. But I'm nothing compared to how she dances around the subject, and avoids my every effort so beautifully, and how she diverts my attention so perfectly with her charm. I hate how I hate how I love her.

Day 18

A picture of you as a child.

I'm the middle one.

Day 17

A picture of something that holds a big place in your life lately.

Day 16

A picture of someone who inspires you.

Tim Burton

He reminds me that there is more to life than what meets the eye.

Day 15

A picture of the best singer in the world.

Understand that it is an utter impossibility for me to choose ONE.

Female:

Amy Lee

Male:

Johnny Depp

Him or Chester Bennington, but iTunes just shuffled on to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack, and I'm taking that as a sign.

It's been a long Friday

So I've started school again. It's awesome to see everybody again, and I'm just getting a feel of the new classes and teachers for starters. It's so weird not being the youngest ones anymore. Can't wait to see what philosophy is like on Monday, I hope it's not too boring because we'll be at it three hours straight. Whew. Could go either way.

(I'm watching the Addams Family cartoon series right now,  and it's Godly.)

Today school lasted from 8.10 am-3.15pm. Less awesome. I was so friggin' tired when I got home. I just managed to pack a few things and get a small piece of apple pie, before mom drove me into town so I could join my dad and a friend for a liquorice tasting.. that expensive Johan Bülow stuff. I got a free goodie bag, teehee... in it was a new brand of liquorice that they were introducing... It's called "B", and it says "passion choc coated liquorice" on the label. It tastes kind of funny... like, a fruity liquorice, if you can imagine? Kind of sweet, kind of spicy. It's not bad. I'll be probably be sharing them a lot though, because they're so fattening. 

Don't you roll your eyes. No, don't! I've gained a little. And suddenly everything seems bigger on me, everywhere. I was on an errand to pick up my darling Pendergast book at the post office, and went and bought a pack of müsli for myself. It's called crüsli. And I read on it. And it's stuffed with calories, like 200 kcals per 45 gr bowl. I'm weighing my portions to be 30 gr. Makes me feel a little better, since I can just throw in an extra pack of raisins.

Anyway! SO when we were done binging on liquorice, dad suggested that we go to the movies. And that's always an awesome idea. So we went to Palads, since it's easier to get home from there, and saw Super 8 in this tiny theatre with the noisiest, sharpest sound I've ever heard. But I totally loved it. I can dig. It's awesome. Go see it, if you haven't already. Do not expect E.T.

Aaaand, now it's late, and I'm completely busted. Still heartbroken. Will forget. Eventally. Good night.

Day 13

A picture of your eyes.

"Travel" collage

Day 12

I skip cause I'm a crimerider. Believe it.

A picture of something you love.

Moments of realisation.

I would love to be this creative

(and gorgeous)

I simply walked into Mordor

Went to a friend's 18th birthday last night. Met A's new girlfriend, and made a horrible first impression by getting too drunk too fast. Ugh. Never tried feeling so sick before. I blame it on my size and not being able to soak up the alcohol... Still, a few rules are necessary here to ensure that this does not happen again.

• No "extra strong" anything for me.
• No more drinking from a straw, myth or not.
• No accepting cocktails mixed with soda.
• No asking for cocktails mixed with soda.
• After sixth drink, do not look in the mirror. Ever.
• If there is ever any confusion, the one with the lesser in it is mine.

 There that should do it... because lists are powerful.

Day 09

A picture of you and your childhood girlfriend.

Day 08

A picture that makes you laugh.

How can you NOT laugh.

Day 07

A picture of your most treasured memory.

Happiest moment of my life, probably, just laughing like a lunatic and listening to her telling me bad jokes about redheads.

Day 06

A picture of something you're scared of.

Day 05

A picture of the most beautiful woman in the world.

Michelle Williams <3

*GUSH* GIMME!!!

 'COLD VENGEANCE has been published on 8/02/2011.

Nothing is what it seems...

Devastated by the discovery that his wife, Helen, was murdered, Special Agent Pendergast must have retribution. But revenge is not simple.

As he stalks his wife's betrayers-a chase that takes him from the wild moors of Scotland to the bustling streets of New York City and the darkest bayous of Louisiana-he is also forced to dig further into Helen's past. And he is stunned to learn that Helen may have been a collaborator in her own murder.

Peeling back the layers of deception, Pendergast realizes that the conspiracy is deeper, goes back generations, and is more monstrous than he could have ever imagined-and everything he's believed, everything he's trusted, everything he's understood . . . may be a horrific lie.' - prestonchild.com

Day 04

A picture of your biggest female idol.

Green Kitchen Stories

I am a fan of this blog.

Day 03

A picture of your biggest male idol.

Who else?