I got problems

So today I agree to join my mum for Mums Meetup for the first time in ages. And all four of us kids were present. Amazing. Mum and I biked all the way, about four or five kilometers, back and forth so that was good, considering we didn't have time to go to the gym today because of this little get-together. We arrived. Pancake puffs, mulled wine, ginger biscuits, the whole caboodle. Oh dear. Well, you can imagine my relief when I discovered that there were also carrots, cucumbers and clementines on the table. And thus I started out just fine.

Then came the question that I have, most sincerely, come to hate:

"Aren't you having some?"

And thus... I ended up shoving food down my throat again, until I sat on my fucking hands. It worked for a while. This phenomenon of not being able to stop is starting to scare me. I know I'm blaming it on everyone else by saying that I would be fine if they just stopped offering me any bad foods, but that's what it is. If I was completely in charge of my diet I wouldn't have this problem with overeating. That is my problem, it's not just in my head -- I can see that I eat more than others in situations like these, and I even finish quicker. People in my situation say to use techniques like cutting your food into smaller pieces and chewing a zillion times before you swallow, but I don't want to be that girl. This is why I at least need the food I eat to be healthy, so it's not just junk loaded with calories. This Sunday was partly dedicated to getting the last of the junk out of the way, with mum and my sister's unwitting help. 

I wish I could tell mum not to prepare lunch for me. I usually only eat half of it, and that muesli bar we get on the side has plenty of sugar in it to keep me going. I can't tell her I'll buy something from the canteen every day. Those are the best days though, when I get to go to the greengrocer and buy a small cluster of grapes. If the grapes are large, it's even better.

I've gained, so how come I can't lie on my stomach on a hard floor without my hips hurting like hell? What do I have to do for things to make sense again?