Worried

I think A might be suffering from stress or something. The simplest of tasks just seem to be an overload to him, he forgets things, he seems tired all the time. Maybe I'm just being over-sensitive. But something is definitely wrong. He just seems depressed. I want to ask him so badly, but he's just so hard to get through to. I had a chance to do it today, but I blew it, and I'm so angry at myself still.

I recall sending him a text message one night about two years ago or so, and I asked him if he thought we could tell each other everything. I was also worrying about him at that time. He replied something like: "Yeah, we can, but we don't". I thought about asking him why that was, but it was late and I didn't want to initiate a deeper conversation. NO, actually, on second thought, I think I did ask him. In any case, I don't remember his reply if I did. (y)

I know he's talking to a professional about his problems -- or at least I know he's been seeing one, so it's not like he doesn't have the opportunity to vent. And I understand that if you've already spent an hour sitting around talking about your thoughts, it's hard to appreciate when other's try to get in your head too. I just wish he'd vent on me too, y'know. Just use me a little bit, that's what friends are for after all. But all he ever seems to talk about is going to parties, and getting shitfaced, and I'm not even sure he realises how often he does it. He wanted me to come to R's 18th birthday party this Saturday, but I'd already told her I couldn't.

I still don't feel comfortable drinking alcohol. Soda just contains way too much sugar, but the other day I was so high on the smell of coke, it's beyond comprehension. You ever tried just closing your eyes and smelling Coca Cola? It's like a syringe of adrenaline straight to the heart, especially if you get a whiff of that effervescence too. Always tickled my nose but oh, my...