Sadness

B-A made it clear that she doesn't think we should get together again, not now or anytime in the future... and I think something must've been twisted inside of me. I seriously haven't cried that hard since D left for Sweden. I braced myself for it, frankly I was sure it would come to that at some point. And I try to tell myself that if she couldn't even step up for herself, then she wasn't really a good option for me in the first place. But it just doesn't mesh. And I'm sad that it won't... I hope she's happy anyway.

Haven't seen A at all... but I'd love to before school starts. I've kind of started to miss him, and he's just so hard to get a hold of. Rarely seems to be getting my messages. He's not replying anyway. Guess it doesn't matter. Except... well I know he's probably sad about breaking up with F (or whatever they call it), but... I'd really like to see him. I'm afraid I won't be able to tell him about B-A without tearing up, that's what I'm doing right now just thinking about her. I probably won't bring it up unless he asks, and I don't think he will with everything else that's been going on in his life lately.

I didn't eat until around 1 pm today. I weighed 47, 8 kilograms when I woke up around 10 o'clock, and by 1 pm I weighed 47,1. I was fine just drinking water, really, but when I returned some books at the library, I grew hungry, so I bought 15 cherries (turned out to be too many, next time I'll take 10). And I ate one rusk. We had salmon for dinner, it was okay. I think I've gotten too used to my dad being kind of a gourmet because I just get a little disappointed when it's not as good as he makes it. And I kind of feel bad about it, though it's no secret that my dad makes a bigger deal out of the cooking than mom.

I'll be going to my grandmother's tomorrow, and I'm staying with her until friday. Food shouldn't be a problem, she's a diabetic so... I'll have whatever she's having haha. I'm a terrible person.